What is Condescending? Does it mean that people who look down really treat others that way? This is usually not the case if the relationship is generally reasonable. Many people who look down are anxious. They are looking for ways to show their advantage and comfort because you do not threaten them, and they are worth more than anyone else. Others who look down may overthink about themselves and use their look down to focus on themselves. However, their contempt can be a protective or distracting mechanism to distract attention from their anxiety. You patronize others and avoid expressions and hints of your weaknesses.
Condescension “is associated with a patronizing attitude, and with other negative words such as divisive, heartless, arrogant, high-handed, [and] dictatorial”. The use of condescending language “can derail conversations and, over time, disrupt healthy communities”.
The meaning of the word has evolved over time. In the eighteenth century, condescension or condescending denoted a positive characteristic of a person of superior breeding, class, or some other superior set of characteristics lowering themselves to speak kindly to an inferior. By the nineteenth century, the word had developed a negative connotation, as evidenced by Charles Dickens in Dombey and Son, where a character is described in contrasting terms as “a little condescending, but extremely kind”. “In eighteenth-century prose, it is therefore common to find the word condescension qualified by adjectives such as generous, good, kind, humble, and particularly affable. This last word shows that condescension had become an index not only of ethical practice, but also of personality”.
“In the Victorian period, the belief in a constructive condescension largely fell away, and the word itself (with exceptions) was given over to its negative connotations. Condescension came primarily to signify self-promotion at another’s cost; to condescend was to assert one’s own superiority in a way that degraded others”.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condescension#:~:text=Condescension%20is%20a%20form%20of,%2C%20%5Band%5D%20dictatorial%22.
You can Fight With Condescending!
Despise can add a touch of taste to otherwise productive relationships and make people feel unappreciated and disliked. When other attractive opportunities for employment and participation arise, many people choose to escape the stress and decline of constant contempt and go elsewhere. But if it’s worth staying, how do you deal with a colleague who looks down on you? You may not even know how they work. It makes no sense to expect them to stop on their own.
Despise is a habitual behavior usually used to deal with people or situations that make people uncomfortable, impatient, frustrated, or anxious. And being cheeky or defensive in return does not help. Instead, stay warm, serious, kind, and perhaps humorous. It’s essential to show vulgar people you are on their team and working to help them achieve their goals and reputation. Evaluate what you see in that situation. Did they use rebuke to silence you, like throwing a beanball at the batter and wiping him off the plate, instead of allowing him to hit a home run? Or were you trying to control the situation to prevent it from getting out of hand?
The comprehensive policy of not looking down does not work. Start as if the real problem was the situation, not their actions, and give them concrete examples. Is there something wrong? Or, “I know I disagree with Sue’s view, but sitting there looked miserable!”
Speak Clearly to Open Up the Situation
It can be more specific if you have the personal courage to confront organizational influence, moral authority, or contempt head-on. Here are three examples that you can adapt to your situation.
- At some point in the budget discussion, you said X and were pushed back from the table. You seemed angry or thought I was stupid and wanted to get in the way of me. Is there anything else I should have said that was more effective? Or can you give us some other feedback so we can do better next time?
- You seemed to disrespect him when Jim rolled his eyes and shook his head while talking. Is there something wrong with the presentation? I hope I can work with him.
- You may not know how you met at a company meeting. You seemed and heard very angry with your project plan, so I’m worried that some of your team may not have received your feedback. When you do a lot of work on it, you wonder why you struggled with it so much. Would you like to call me for another meeting so you can explain your points more neutrally? It may not be your job to convince the disdainful people of their true strengths or help them see good for themselves, but you are sure they are suitable for others. And you can try to help them see the negative impact on the team and the work.
It’s never fun to be talked to or treated without knowing anything. That’s exactly what people who look down on us: whether they like it or not, they often make us feel we’re not as bright as they are or not worth talking to them. Fortunately, there are several ways you can confront those who look down on you and put an end to their patronizing behavior. On the contrary, if you are told that you can look down, there are several ways you can actively work to foster better relationships with your colleagues, partners, and friends.
How do you know if someone is Condescending to you?
- They explain what you already know. Imagine this. You are chatting with colleagues, and they begin to explain what you learned on the first day of work. You’re surprised-this colleague has only been working here for a few months while you’ve been working for years. This disdainful behavior can make the other person feel you are not taking yourself seriously, or you can assume that you are not as bright as they are. If you ask them about it, those who look down will probably say something like “relax” or “relax.” It’s a way to downplay your feelings, and it’s very condescending.
- They bother you and persuade you. People who look down often cut off others or speak loudly and dominate the space. It’s almost impossible to chat with someone who looks down on you, and you may feel like you never have a say. This can rub you the wrong way-you. I may feel like you’re not talking. Still, you’re just listening to others walking around. Occasionally, disdainful people will disturb you to correct you about facts and pronunciation (and they are probably not very polite).
- They will fire you during the conversation. Maybe you said you disagree, and it upset you. People who look down can roll their eyes or make fun of you. They may turn around or move away from you quickly. This disdainful body language can make you feel pretty terrible, and you may feel they don’t respect you. A vulgar person may stroke your head to knock you down (similar to stroking a child or dog) or look down on you. She may be subtle to her, but you will notice.
What makes people so Condescending
- They may be trying to control you or the situation. Sometimes people who look down talk to us because we want them to agree. They usually make us think our opinion is wrong or stupid. • For example, you and your colleagues may disagree on how to start a work project. Someone who looks down may say, “Well, I agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.”
- They may be trying to prove how smart they are. People often behave vulgarly because they are secretly unsafe. If you find someone always talking about how smart they are, it’s probably because they feel they’re not smart. This is another typical example at work. Especially new people who may be trying to prove they deserve to be there.
What do you say to someone who looks down on you?
- Start by asking them to clarify what they mean. Sometimes people are unaware that they are looking down. If someone you know does something that looks down on you, stop the conversation and ask them to explain why they did what they did. They may apologize and move on if they don’t want to be rude. Say, “Hey, what does it mean I wouldn’t make that joke?”
- Repeat what they said and did to you. It may be helpful for despised people to hear their words spoken by someone else. If they say something to patronize, repeat exactly what they said to you and keep asking them what that means. Hopefully, they will go back and say sorry. Try something like, “You said, ‘I’ll tell you this joke, but I don’t think you understand it.’ You’re not smart enough for me to understand your joke. Do you think that?
- Call their actions. Let the person know they are disrespectful of what they have just done. If you are reluctant to talk to her directly, you can leave the conversation and talk to her personally later. This is a good tactic at work because you can feel embarrassed to call someone in front of a group (which can explode your anger). You can say: “What you said was pretty disdainful. Please do not be fooled like that again.” If you’re dealing with a colleague who looks down on you, it’s also a good idea to talk to your manager. This allows them to chat with your colleagues and facilitates communication between you and you.
Is Condescending an insult?
Yes, looking down can rub people in the wrong way. When you slander someone, you tell them that you think you are better than them. Despise may make you feel small and cast doubt on your talents and abilities. Most people generally find patronizing behavior unpleasant, which can keep you away from others.
How can I stop condescending behavior?
- End it with others before you intervene. When something is near your heart, it may be easy to talk to others to hear yourself. However, this can make people around you feel like they aren’t listening to them, which can be frustrating. When chatting with people, make sure they complete the sentence and wait for the conversation to pause before you can start talking.
- Don’t explain what people already know. You can’t always tell what someone doesn’t know, but you can usually make pretty good guesses. For example, a person with a Ph.D. in biotechnology would not need to explain basic biological concepts. If you’re not sure, ask a question. For example, you might say, “You probably know everything about this?” Or “Are you familiar with this concept?”. The essential parts are: If someone says you’re familiar with something, don’t explain it. People who look down may continue to explain even after being told they don’t need it.
- Use a neutral and uniform tone when talking to others. People often perceive behaviors that look down on you depending on the style of your voice. The patronage tone usually sounds like talking to someone or a small child. Try to speak to everyone as if they were your equality-this will make them feel that you are both on an equal footing.
Why am I looking down on my partner?
- You may try to help, but it falls off as disdain. You may offer to show your partner the way, but they have been to this place several times. Even just trying to help, I feel like the other person doesn’t know the way, so I’m patronized. If you’re unsure if your partner needs help, ask your partner before joining. That way, your service can serve instead of coming across as an insult. In this scenario, for example, you can say: Do you need directions, or can you drive? “.
- Maybe you passively put out your anger. At times, passive-aggressive behavior can be dismissed as disdain. Perhaps you’re trying to tell your partner that you’re angry, so you patronize them that something is wrong. This may seem reasonable, but it’s not the best way to facilitate communication and can lead to more problems in the long run. Communication is essential here, especially when you are angry with something. Instead of passively dissipating your anger, sit down with your partner and explain why you are upset. Then you can talk about it and find a solution together.
If the topic of this article was interesting to you. We suggest that you also read the “How to Show Someone You Appreciate Them!” article.