You must have seen people around you who are strict with themselves. Maybe you are one of these people. People who don’t settle for less than perfect in any field want to be the best in everything. These people are constantly trying to fix their problems and achieve success. People who are hard on themselves may be performing very well or excellently in the eyes of others, but in their own opinion, they still have faults and defects that they need to fix.
Being hard on yourself leads to high expectations and a constant (and sometimes futile) effort to get better and better. Here are 11 characteristics of people who are hard on themselves. See how many of the following features you have. Ultimately, we will introduce methods to remove your strictness towards yourself.
You are always looking for perfection.
Perfectionism is a characteristic of people who are hard on themselves. These people try to achieve the best of everything as much as possible. If you belong to this category of people, it is challenging to digest shortcomings and deficiencies. That’s why you constantly focus on your weaknesses and look for a solution to fix them.
Strict people have to do things in their way. These people define a series of rules when others are busy with projects related to them so that others come close to their standards and things are done according to their wishes.
You focus on your failures rather than your successes.
“If I had half of your success, I wouldn’t want anything else from life!” This is what others often say to people who are hard on themselves. But they don’t pay attention and still believe they have many weaknesses and inabilities and should focus on solving these problems.
These people are very good at identifying the reasons for their failure, but when they succeed, they don’t know how to celebrate their success. The reason for this is that these people always have to move forward according to the plan they have in mind.
They think about success; if they fail, all their plans will fall apart. When these people fail, they blame themselves and do not allow themselves to make mistakes.
It is interesting to know that such people are not very happy even when they succeed and either underestimate their successes or deny them altogether; It is as if they have worked hard to achieve such success!
You think about your mistakes a lot.
These people not only focus on their weaknesses in every situation but also spend a lot of time thinking about the mistakes they have made in the past. A bad presentation in a meeting, not performing well at a certain point in time, or bad choices in life are among the things that these people constantly review in their minds.
If you are hard on yourself, you fail to understand that everyone makes mistakes. You think you have to be perfect all the time.
Looking to learn from your mistakes immediately.
Remember that sometimes there are no lessons to be learned from mistakes.
One of the reasons these people think about their mistakes a lot is that they believe there is a lesson to be learned from every mistake. People who are hard on themselves are impatient to learn anytime and anywhere, and they think about their mistakes until they finally find something to learn from.
We all make unintentional mistakes sometimes. If we are going to think about the mistake we made so that we can find something to learn from it, we have to constantly focus on our mistakes, which are not good at all and can even stop our progress. Sometimes we have to get over the mistake we made. Learn to overcome mistakes.
You see things either black or white.
You divide the issues into two groups and don’t have a middle ground for anything. Good or bad, failure or success, right or wrong. You don’t believe in anything else. This makes you blame yourself when things don’t go as planned, Even if everything ends well.
You consider being 5 minutes late to work or an appointment as a disaster and think that you are a lazy and irresponsible person who cannot get to work on time.
Adding just a bit of salt to your food makes you think the food is spoiled. When you make a small mistake at work, you feel like the stupidest and most reckless person on earth.
You can’t wait to reach the top of success.
Because you only know success or failure and think there is nothing in between, you are constantly stressed and anxious until you achieve success. Even if you progress significantly from where you started, you ignore it and don’t rest until you succeed.
You always have the best in mind and will not settle for anything less. If you fail to achieve your best, you will be unhappy with your performance. You are always looking for ways to speed up the work process and achieve success sooner.
This issue becomes dangerous when you do everything you can to succeed: honest and non-stop efforts, shortcuts, and cheating. It doesn’t matter which method you use. The only thing you care about is achieving your goals.
You are afraid of failure.
Since childhood, we used to hear that: “Failure is a part of success.” But your ears do not owe these words, and you think they are said by lazy people to justify their failure.
Not having the patience to succeed will instill a fear of failure in you because you think that if you fail, you’ll have to start all over again, which will cause you to fall behind on your plans altogether.
You work day and night to achieve the ambitious goals you have set for yourself because you cannot and do not want to let others down. You think that if you fail, other people’s opinions of you will change, and you will be seen as incompetent and incapable. You hate this way of thinking, and because of that, you fear nothing more than failure.
You pay too much attention to what others say.
You can’t stand that others don’t like you, don’t respect you, and don’t appreciate you. That’s why you do everything you can to please others. You push your limits and push yourself to get better and better without ever resting because you hate the humiliation of failure more than anything.
You always try to make the employer happy with you and not let them down. You think your friends make fun of your achievements and your family is unhappy with your current position in life.
You are constantly trying to please your family, friends, colleagues, and those around you, and you ignore that you violate your wishes.
You get anxious when someone criticizes you.
You hate being criticized. It doesn’t matter if the criticism is constructive or destructive; you don’t like being criticized either way. If you are criticized, you first blame yourself because you think you did not perform well and caused others to allow themselves to criticize you. When someone tells you you could have done better, you feel self-loathing and disappointed.
You are very critical of yourself.
You hate when others criticize you, but you constantly criticize yourself. You are aware of all your shortcomings. You always emphasize your weaknesses both in front of others and in front of yourself.
It doesn’t matter if other people deny it and think you are the most successful person they know because you think they are complimenting you and not telling the truth. Most importantly, you know very well that this is false and that you have many small and big weaknesses.
You are jealous of others.
Jealousy is common among children; unfortunately, many adults also have this ugly habit. You judge other people’s lives by their appearance and the happiness they record on social networks, and you say to yourself: “I wish I could be as happy, free, and successful as they are.” You close your eyes to their troubles and problems and only focus on their outward happiness.
Now that you know the characteristics of people who are hard on themselves, it’s time to deal with this habit if you find that you belong to this group. We will guide you further.
Do you see the importance of a week, a month, and a year from now?
Ask yourself, will the issue you are struggling with still matter to you a week, a month, or a year from now? In 90% of cases, the answer will be negative. So why do you make life difficult for yourself?
Whenever things don’t go as expected, instead of immediately criticizing yourself and questioning your performance, see if the issue you’re so sensitive about will be as important to you in a week or a month. Keep in mind that you might not even remember this in a week.
Accept that the future cannot be predicted.
You have to think that you have no control over the future and the events that will happen to you. Our will does not determine our fate. What you consider failure today may be the beginning of success.
Also, the things you think are the best may not be as perfect as you think. Accept the fact that life is unpredictable.
Treat yourself like your best friend.
It is harder on yourself than you are on those you love. Why don’t you try treating yourself the way you treat others? When your best friend talks to you about her mistake, you comfort her and remind her that everyone makes mistakes.
In such cases, you don’t blame your friend but encourage him to try again and be more potent than before. So when you make a mistake, instead of calling yourself stupid and unworthy, give yourself the right to make a mistake.
Talk to your friends.
Some people don’t want to talk to others when they’re down and upset. On the contrary of these people, many people like to talk to others about the problem that has happened to them, and by doing so, they calm themselves down.
If you belong to the second group, talk to a close friend and let them help you with their words of hope and comfort when you fail at something. Talking about your inner feelings can be effective in relieving discomfort.
Do not compare yourself with others.
You are not in other people’s place and do not know what is happening in their life. Stop judging others by their Instagram photos. Remember that everyone (even you!) is used to sharing their good times with others.
Laughing and happiness are just a part of these people’s lives. Everyone has problems in their life; they just don’t show them. If you compare yourself with others, life will become hell for you and make you unhappy.
We looked at the signs that you are being hard on yourself. Did you have these symptoms? If you have these symptoms, consider the recommendations we mentioned. What other valuable strategies do you know to deal with being hard on yourself?
What is a common characteristic of people who are hard on themselves?
They are always looking for perfection and find it challenging to digest shortcomings and deficiencies.
How do people who are hard on themselves view their failures and successes?
They focus more on their failures rather than their successes. Even when they succeed, they either underestimate their achievements or deny them altogether.
Why do some people constantly think about their past mistakes?
They believe there is a lesson to be learned from every mistake and are impatient to learn from them.
How do people who are hard on themselves perceive situations?
They often see things in black and white, without a middle ground. They categorize issues as good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong.
What is the attitude of such individuals towards success?
They are always aiming for the top and won’t rest until they achieve it. They are always looking for ways to speed up the process to achieve success.
How do people who are hard on themselves feel about failure?
They are afraid of failure and think that if they fail, they’ll have to start all over again, which will disrupt their plans.
How do these individuals react to criticism?
They can’t stand criticism, whether it’s constructive or destructive. They often blame themselves first when criticized.
What is their attitude towards others’ opinions?
They pay too much attention to what others say and try to please everyone around them, often neglecting their own wishes.
How can one deal with being too hard on themselves?
Some strategies include assessing the long-term importance of issues, accepting the unpredictability of the future, treating oneself kindly, talking to friends, and avoiding comparisons with others.
What is the importance of not comparing oneself with others?
Comparing oneself with others can lead to unhappiness and a distorted perception of reality, as people often only share their good times and not their struggles.