Let go of the people who hurt you, accept the things that were out of your control, be responsible and focus on the lessons. Getting help is also helpful in this regard. Many people sometimes do not know how to forget the painful past. It is usual for your current emotional pain to be related to what you experienced in the past, but even if the cause of your emotional pain is something in the past, letting go of the pain is the beginning of focusing on the here and now. But how to let goes of the past means different things to different people. It depends on the situation.
Letting go of the past means being able to remember events or people without experiencing pain. You may feel that letting go means forgetting about it or wanting to move on without forgetting or forgiving it.
Letting go of whatever it means to you will indeed feel its heavy burden on your heart and mind. You can let go of the past, and we have introduced solutions for this purpose in this article.
The past is the set of all events that occurred before a given point in time. The past is contrasted with and defined by the present and the future. The concept of the past is derived from the linear fashion in which human observers experience time, and is accessed through memory and recollection. In addition, human beings have recorded the past since the advent of written language. The first known use of the word “past” was in the fourteenth century; it developed as the past participle of the middle English verb passen meaning “to pass.”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Past
If the suffering is comfortable, question it.
Sometimes when you have been hurt for a long time, you may be used to emotional pain. This may seem safe and familiar. Perhaps you have internalized it as part of your identity. It’s easy to get angry at someone because you can keep a distance from them.
Growing pains can be a real problem. Walking away from things you’ve been thinking about or feeling for a long time can be uncomfortable. But healing, joy, and peace of mind are on the other side of letting go.
This may not be a big deal to most people, but if you ask yourself, “Why can’t I let go of the past?” This question can help us begin to let go of the past.
- Has focused on what’s bothering you helped you?
- Does thinking about the past prevent you from experiencing new situations or relationships?
- Do you avoid solving it because you must face the emotional pain first?
- What will your life be like if you leave the past in the past?
- What would happen if you had a different role in the situation?
Talk about past hurts.
Sometimes you have to feel it to find peace. Suppressing feelings and thoughts will hurt you more in the long run, and it will be more difficult to release them, especially if you constantly think about the past and its hurts.
Ruminating on the same negative thoughts can affect your mood, relationships, and even your ability to be creative and productive. Try to find ways to express how you feel healthy. Expressing feelings helps stop rumination. Try to participate in activities that create a safe space to express your feelings. For example:
- Do a journal.
- Please write a letter to the person who hurt you (sending them a note is optional).
- If you find it challenging to write or speak, express your suffering through art or play.
- Find a trusted friend, family member, or therapist and share your experiences and feelings.
Accountability does not mean blaming yourself for things that happened in the past. It’s more about recognizing how much energy you spend trying to remember feeling things that no longer exist in the present. It also means choosing to focus on something else.
When you dwell on your pain or painful memories, you relive those painful experiences repeatedly. This leaves you stuck in the past, something you cannot change.
Accountability also means claiming power and making decisions based on not letting others control how you feel or live. Maybe you didn’t have a say in the past about something that hurt you, but now you do. Now you can choose where to put your heart and mind.
Naturally, it seems a difficult task. It might be too hard to focus on, or you might have to live with the consequences. But recovery is still possible. Consider seeing a mental health professional to learn how to develop effective coping mechanisms that make letting go of the past easier.
Try to create a new space for new work.
Focusing on past events leaves little room in your heart and mind for new experiences, including those that bring joy. Not letting go of the past makes your life more vulnerable to missing out on good things. To make room for new items and let go of the past, do the following:
- Set short-term personal and professional goals for yourself.
- Practice gratitude so you can better focus on the present.
- Assess the quality of your current relationships and choose the ones that are good for you.
- Do a new hobby or activity every month.
- Tidy and clean the space around you; in this case, you will give or throw away the things you don’t need.
- Create new relationships or try to strengthen your casual relationships that have the potential to become the best friendships.
- Practice mindfulness, and you’ll learn how to return to the present moment when your mind wanders to the past.
- Be sure to do a self-care activity every week.
- Participate in charitable activities to improve your mood by helping others.
Put yourself first
Putting yourself first means making deliberate decisions. This may begin with recognizing that choosing what is good for you is not selfish. Putting yourself first also means reclaiming your power by letting go of what bothered you in the past and focusing on what brings you peace today. This means that you are essential.
Keep in mind that:
- See a therapist to learn how to let go of the past and the things that hurt you.
- Create boundaries with others who want to talk about history when you need more time to be ready.
- Make decisions that make you feel safe, calm, and happy, even if others don’t agree with your choices.
- It is changing thoughts that increase anxiety or distress to focus on ideas that create a greater sense of hope.
- Self-compassion and self-respect
- Putting yourself first can mean finding ways to forgive.
Forgiving oneself and others is associated with better physical well-being, including higher tolerance for uncertainty and less tendency to experience anger.
Try to focus on the lessons.
What have you learned about relationships, love, yourself, and life from past painful experiences? Your first response to this question may be to think about the negative things you have learned. This is entirely normal. But try to wait if this is your first reaction and focus on some positive lessons. For example:
- How strong and resilient are you?
- Who has proven you can rely on him?
- What things do you know that you no longer want in life?
- What coping skills have you learned to face life’s challenges?
- The feeling that everything is transient and this too will pass.
The idea is to recognize any strength, skill, knowledge, or clarity you have gained from a traumatic event. Focusing on these lessons makes letting go easier.
Accepting what you cannot change is also a good strategy.
One of the reasons we meditate on past events is the need to revisit past choices or what could have happened. Focusing on “what if…” s leads to the same conversations and repetitive internal scenarios. But thinking about what happened doesn’t change anything about it.
It’s hard to accept, but learning to recognize the things we cannot control can help us let go of the past. Saying “should have been” or “what if…” doesn’t change what happened. Instead, the phrases “how can it be…” or “how will it be…” cause a person to move forward and progress and will be present intentionally in his daily decisions that affect the present and the future.
Get help from a professional
Whether you are living with trauma, experiencing anxiety, or any other mental health condition, a mental health professional can help you let go of the past and let go of painful feelings.
At the End
Learning how to let go depends on your specific situation and your understanding of letting go. But you should know that this is possible and can be achieved. Expressing your emotions freely, re-energizing yourself, making room for new experiences, and focusing on your studies are just a few ways to eliminate emotional pain.
If you have been through a difficult time in the past, let it go and seek help from a mental health professional. A medical professional can help you find possible causes for your challenges and develop coping mechanisms that work for you.
In the following, if you wish, you can read the “What is Failure? Is Failure the Key to Success?” article in detail.