Lifestyle & Skill

60 Funny Quotes that Bring Smile to your Face

Bring a smile to your face with these funny quotes – you will find laughter, humor, and a bit of wisdom in these. This collection offers funny inspirational and motivational quotations stated by some famous people and others. All of us need humor in life. It helps the challenges that we all sometimes face!

You might find some of them motivational because they challenge you to think in a humorous and motivating way. Share these with other people to brighten their day and smile at them!

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things, or old witty sayings, comedy makes us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends, and family will have you saying, “So true!” because they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movies and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 60 funny quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, movies, and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.

Funny Quotes that can change your mind!

I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.

Mitch Hedberg

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.

President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.

Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

David Letterman

If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.

Reese Witherspoon

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.

Kate Davis

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Jack Handey

Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”
Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”

Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

Will Ferrell

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.

Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.

Ellen DeGeneres

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.


Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.


I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Les Dawson

There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.

Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.

Steven Wright

Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”
Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”

Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

Joan Rivers

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.

Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Jimmy Kimmel

Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.

Lessons from the Minivan

I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.

Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.

Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

Usher: “Bride or groom?”
Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”

Four Weddings and a Funeral

Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”
Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”

Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Jerry Seinfeld

Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”
Fred: “Your feet?”

Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.


Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”
Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”

Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

Life is like a box of chocolates.

Forrest Gump in Forrest Gump by Winston Groom

Family — the ties that bind … and gag

Erma Bombeck

Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.

Ross Perot

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

George Carlin

There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.

Lawrence Welk

All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

Sean O’Casey

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Tom Stoppard

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.


A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Graham Norton

I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.

Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

Sir Norman Wisdom

That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stinks, but only one tastes good.

Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

Adam Gropman

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